Well, the 4th edition of the Guitar Hero series is upon us and it’s rife with already done hackneyed game functions stolen from Rockband, but hey, it’s got cymbals!
I’m not going to bore you with my opinion of how much the sensitivity levels of the drums suck, or how awesome it is that you can trick your girlfriend into playing a video game with you. You can read that shit on some other website that actually cares if you’re informed. Micah and KT are here to enterain and, of course, educate!
Thefefore, I’m going to run through the song list and tell you why that song is awesome or blows like clown in a balloon animal contest.
- "Beautiful Disaster" — 311Perfect for masochists that enjoy hearing their guy friends sing a bit too high pitched while trying to avoid sounding like Bob Marley having a seizure.
- "The Kill" – 30 Seconds to MarsNamed because it will KILL you after your teenage sister plays it 100 times in a row while constantly talking about how dreamy Jared Leto is.
- "Too Much Too Young" – AirbourneFake AC/DC, that being said, not a bad tune if you like bare chested men.
- "Ramblin Man" – The Allman Brothers BandA classic. Maybe a bit low energy for a full band party, but so much fun alone on a saturday night when you couldn’t get a date and are getting drunk alone.
- "Good God" – AnoukCrazy old fashioned chick rock. Think Amy Winehouse + Courntey Love…. OW! That hurts.
- "Never Too Late" – The AnswerHardcore rockin’, makes me want to punch little kids in the face. Could be good or bad, depending on how evil you are. (Hint: If you like burning kittens, you’ll love this song.)
- "One Armed Scissor" – At The Drive-InHigh energy, not quite punk not quite metal. Great for those that love out of tune shouting!
- "No Sleep Till Brooklyn" — Beastie BoysIf I said anything bad about this I’d be killed by an angry mob. Plus it’s always fun to rap in a music game.
- "Hail to the Freaks" – BeatsteaksI’m not quite sure what a Beatsteak is, but I’m pretty sure it has something to do with really short songs with incomprehensible lyrics.
- "Rebel Yell" – Billy IdolBILLY IDOL MOTHA-FUCKAS!!!!!!
- "Stillborn" – Black Label SocietyCreepy if you’re normal, great if you hate everyone in the universe.
- "Weapon of Choice" – Black Rebel Motorcycle ClubWhat’s with all the Black in the band names? What happened to the Pastel Purple Rebel Motorcycle Club.
- "Dammit" – blink-182If you’re a pretenious music snob you’ll hate it. Otherwise you’ll have a blast rocking out to power-pop.
- "One Way or Another" – BlondieThe music is infectious but if you stop to listen to the lyrics you won’t be able to sleep tonight.
- "Hollywood Nights" – Bob Seger & The Silver Bullet BandGood song, but your dad probably got your mom pregnant to this jam back in the day, and thats too much to handle.
- "Livin’ On A Prayer" – Bon Jovi Bon Jovi always knows how to sum up my life in his
songs. For this reason, he is a genius. For this same reason, he is
- "Scream Aim Fire" – Bullet For My Valentine Can it get anymore emo than this? Scream, fire, bullet,
valentine…whoa. Reminds me of my Prom Date, "Date-Rape Larry". May he rest in peace.
- "Shiver" – Coldplay People, it’s called "Guitar Hero". Not, "Fair-Trade Hippie Dipshit
Hero". This does not belong here and should never be played more than
once to help yourself advance to the next song/level. [Editor’s Note: This song will get you laid. Learn it.]
- "Up Around The Bend" – Creedence Clearwater Revival Classic band, but this one sounds like something that would be played during the intermission of a
KKK meeting. Specifically during the "networking session" where new
and old members can mingle amonst a delightful spread of assorted
cookies, lemonade and seared-sinner-satay.
- "Love Removal Machine" – The Cult Where can I find said machine? Love totally SUCKS! No, I’m not bitter, I just wish everyone in love would die in a fiery blender mishap.
- "Feel the Pain" – Dinosaur Jr. In reality a lovely diddy, that does not make me feel the pain at all.
Only bliss, which brings me back to the mid nineties, when I was about
11 years old, and my only concern was the TGIF television line-up. Oh Urkel, you sure did know how much Family Matters.
- "Love Me Two Times" – The Doors Two times? Jesus, what am I a sex machine? This song should be more aptly named after gamers like me: "Love Yourself One Time, Cry and fall asleep."
- "Pull Me Under" – Dream Theater An impressive blend of metal and sassy emo attitude.
- "Hotel California" – The Eagles This song would rock, if not for the fact that every single person in the universe chooses this song and proclaims it’s their favorite, as if they’re somehow important and not just a pretentious asshole that one time listened to a song older than ‘Nsync.
- "Aggro" – The Enemy Imagine Green Day from Great Britain, instead of just singing with that weird fake British accent for no apparent reason.
- "Hey Man, Nice Shot" – Filter One hit wonders of the nineties. "Hey man, nice shot" indeed.
- "Go Your Own Way" – Fleetwood Mac An excellent example of choosing the wrong song by the right band.
- "Everlong" – Foo Fighters The song that every guy learns to play on his acoustic
guitar, thinking that if they can master it, they will master all
women. They are wrong. But it’s still a good song.
- "American Woman" – The Guess Who You mean Lenny Kravitz didn’t write this song originally for Heather Graham?
- "You’re Gonna Say Yeah!" – Hush Puppies I’m gonna say yeeeeaah. By far the best almost punk entry on the album, lord knows I’ve played it more than my fair share.
- "Obstacle 1" – Interpol Be careful when playing in a group. After listening to this song you’ll think you’re too important to pass the guitar to the next person.
- "Mountain Song" – Jane’s Addiction This is the easiest addiction I ever had t
- "Purple Haze (Live)" – Jimi Hendrix & "The Wind Cries Mary" – Jimi Hendrix Jimi! Jimi! Jimi! I cannot say a bad word about that man. Just be prepared for a finger work out.
- "The Middle" – Jimmy Eat World I love JEW. I also love matzo ball soup, but that’s
totally unrelated and moreso a nonsequiter. I just haven’t eaten in